Sink Me!: November 2012

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

North and South, LOLcats Edition

First of all-- I'm so sorry for the lapse in posts here. Hopefully the busyness I'm spinning in will settle down soon and I'll be able to post more regularly. In the meantime, submissions are always welcome, especially when I'm suffering from caption's block. HINT HINT.

Second, my sister Anne-girl recently introduced me to the LOLcat Translator, which basically puts any kind of normal English text into "LOLcats"-- butchered English of the "i can haz cheezburger" sort. (Shudder.) My friend Marie suggested that North and South might look rather funny in such language, and though my proper-grammar-loving soul is recoiling at what I'm about to do, I simply couldn't resist. Here is a bit of North and South the way Mrs. Gaskell wrote it...

'Never, for your bidding!' exclaimed Mr. Thornton. And instantly the
storm broke. The hootings rose and filled the air,--but Margaret did not
hear them. Her eye was on the group of lads who had armed themselves
with their clogs some time before. She saw their gesture--she knew its
meaning,--she read their aim. Another moment, and Mr. Thornton might be
smitten down,--he whom she had urged and goaded to come to this perilous
place. She only thought how she could save him. She threw her arms
around him; she made her body into a shield from the fierce people
beyond. Still, with his arms folded, he shook her off.

'Go away,' said he, in his deep voice. 'This is no place for you.'

'It is!' said she. 'You did not see what I saw.' If she thought her sex
would be a protection,--if, with shrinking eyes she had turned away from
the terrible anger of these men, in any hope that ere she looked again
they would have paused and reflected, and slunk away, and vanished,--she
was wrong. Their reckless passion had carried them too far to stop--at
least had carried some of them too far; for it is always the savage
lads, with their love of cruel excitement, who head the riot--reckless
to what bloodshed it may lead. A clog whizzed through the air.
Margaret's fascinated eyes watched its progress; it missed its aim, and
she turned sick with affright, but changed not her position, only hid
her face on Mr. Thornton s arm.

...and here it is in LOLcats. :D

NEVR, 4 UR BIDDIN! EXCLAIMD MISTAH. THORNTON. AN INSTANTLY TEH
STORM BROKE. TEH HOOTINGS ROSE AN FILLD TEH AIR,--BUT MARGARET DID NOT
HEAR THEM. HER EYE WUZ ON TEH GROUP OV LADZ HOO HAD ARMD THEMSELVEZ
WIF THEIR CLOGS SUM TIEM BEFORE. SHE SAW THEIR GESCHUR--SHE KNEW ITZ
MEANIN,--SHE READ THEIR AIM. ANOTHR MOMENT, AN MISTAH. THORNTON MITE BE
SMITTEN DOWN,--HE WHOM SHE HAD URGD AN GOADD 2 COME 2 DIS PERILOUS
PLACE. SHE ONLY THOT HOW SHE CUD SAVE HIM. SHE THREW HER ARMS
AROUND HIM; SHE MADE HER BODY INTO SHIELD FRUM TEH FIERCE PEEPS
BEYOND. STILL, WIF HIS ARMS FOLDD, HE SHOOK HER OFF.

GO AWAY, SED HE, IN HIS DEEP VOICE. DIS AR TEH NO PLACE 4 U.

IT IZ! SED SHE. U DID NOT C WUT I SAW. IF SHE THOT HER SEKZ
WUD BE PROTECSHUN,--IF, WIF SHRINKIN EYEZ SHE HAD TURND AWAY FRUM
TEH TERRIBLE ANGR OV THEES DOODZ, IN ANY HOPE DAT ERE SHE LOOKD AGAIN
THEY WUD HAS PAUSD AN REFLECTD, AN SLUNK AWAY, AN VANISHD,--SHE
WUZ WRONG. THEIR RECKLES PASHUN HAD CARRID THEM 2 FAR 2 STOP--AT
LEAST HAD CARRID SUM OV THEM 2 FAR; 4 IT ALWAYS TEH SAVAGE
LADZ, WIF THEIR LUV OV CRUEL EXCITEMENT, HOO HEAD TEH RIOT--RECKLES
2 WUT BLOODSHD IT CUD LEAD. CLOG WHIZZD THRU TEH AIR.
MARGARETS FASCINATD EYEZ WATCHD ITZ PROGRES; IT MISD ITZ AIM, AN
SHE TURND SICK WIF AFFRIGHT, BUT CHANGD NOT HER POSISHUN, ONLY HID
HER FACE ON MISTAH. THORNTON S ARM.