Wednesday, April 17, 2013

The Mr. Slightly-More Accurate Version of the Les Mis CD Insert

I'm sure many of you have seen the little picture floating around the Internet that shows someone's humorous interpretation of the song titles on the Les Mis movie soundtrack.  I got my share of giggles from the list (my favorites being "A Heart Full of Shut Up", "Grantaire Pick That Bottle Up" and "Now We All Cry and Feel Uplifted").  However, I felt some of the humor was a bit... um... indelicate (nothing too horrible, just not the best) and decided to make my own Alternate Song Title List.

So here we have the CSR in all its glory (that's the 1988 Complete Symphonic Recording for those of you who don't live and breathe every cast recording ever recorded--it's the only audio recording to date that includes every single lyric in the entire libretto) with my rewritten titles.  You can find the original track listing here if you get confused.  I've broken the thing down by discs instead of Act One and Act Two, so it will better correspond with the original list.

[Disc One]
1.  The Big Bum-BUM* [which includes Valjean Has No Friends / Oh Wait Now He Has One]
2.  I've Got a Golden Ticket (But I Don't Want It Any More**)
3.  Poverty, Social Injustice and Why You Shouldn't Read Other People's Mail
4.  If You're Dreaming, Of Course You're Dreaming a Dream
5.  (Just Skip This One)
6.  Javert Shows Up Again
7.  Life Before Emergency Brakes
8.  Valjean's Midlife Identity Crisis
9.  Hallucination, Tragic Death, and the Reappearance of the Only Cop in France
10.  Good Luck Memorizing the Lyrics On This One
11.  Little Cosette Has No Friends
12.  (Better Skip This One Too)
13.  It's Okay to Talk to Strangers If They Do Your Chores For You
14.  Gavroche Runs Paris and Don't You Forget It
15.  The Thenardiers Attempt to Mug Valjean / Police Guy Shows Up Once Again
16.  Javert Teaches Astronomy

[Disc Two]
1.  Eponine Gets Friendzoned
2.  Enjolras Teaches Primary Colors / Our Favorite Loser Finally Has a Girlfriend
3.  You Know This One Even If You've Never Seen Les Mis
4.  Valjean Doesn't Feel Like Teaching History Right Now
5.  I Have Just Met You, and I Love You
6.  Lea Salonga Screamed It Better
7.  The Cooler Version of "Tomorrow"
8.  Let's Build a Fort (No Girls Allowed, Eponine)
9.  The Anthem of Every Teenage Girl With an Unrequited Crush
10.  Hadley Fraser Sang it Better
11.  The 52-Year-Old Police Guy Is Now a College Student, Which Is Totally Not Suspicious
12.  Don't Make Fun of Short Kids
13.  Don't Make Fun of This Song
14.  If He Shoots You in the Back, You Won't Live to Tell It Either
15.  The Shooting Part, Part One
16.  No One Cares About Your Lonely Soul, Marius
17.  The Fastest Son-In-Law Acceptance Ever
18.  You Messed With the Wrong Barricade
19.  The Shooting Part, Part Two / People Who Aren't Crying Are Obviously Made of Stone
20.  Gunsmoke, Tragedy and Hanging Upside Down
21.  The Gross Dude Is Back Again
22.  [Bridge]***
23.  We Have to Give the Lovely Ladies a Decent Song at Some Point

[Disc Three]
1.  Marius Has No Friends (Anymore)
2.  I Know Everyone's Dead, But Let's Get Married Anyway
3.  Story Time with Papa-In-Law (Wait, I Don't Like This Story)
4.  Where Did All These Wedding Guests Come From?
5.  Everyone Who Died Is Alive Again (They're Alive, They're Alive, They Are So Alive)

How would you rename the Les Miserables songs?

* This expression was originated by my lovely friend Eowyn of Inklings Press and I'm using it without permission but I'm citing her as the original creator so here's hoping she won't sue me.
** To the tune of Defying Gravity
*** That was a pun.

[[The post title is a reference to a Fireflyer quote, for those of you who haven't read Peter Pan in Scarlet.  You should read it.  It's a good book. ]]


Melody said...

Well, uh, no, I don't actually know #3 from disc two.

*actually doesn't*


Melody said...

Oh, and sorry, that was very terse of me. From what my ignorant self can tell, seems to be quite clever, m'dear. ;) And I never shall learn not to marvel at your ability to make fun of things you actually like... a lot...

Miss Dashwood said...

Haha, what I meant was that people will have HEARD of it even if they don't actually know the song. It's "Do You Hear the People Sing?", in case you was wondering... which I KNOW you've heard of. I prattle on about it often enough. ;)

Melody said...

Oh, no, I wasn't wondering, because I already knew because I was comparing the lists so at least some of it would make sense. :D And of course I've heard OF it. (I've even heard clips of it, proberly. :P) I just don't KNOW it. Which is what you said, I believe.

Quinlyn said...

HAHAHAHA!! That's awesome. Thank you for re-writing it! This is the first time I've seen it. "Enjolras Teaches Primary Colors" XD

Margaret Hale said...

This was hilarious! "Story Time With Papa-In-Law" :D

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! Love it. : )

Oh, and prepare to be sued, Amy. I'm going to get The Boys together and we're going to make a barricade right in front of your bedroom door. (We intend to starve you out before we start the proper fight [in court].)


Miss Dashwood said...

Eowyn, if you and The Boys want to make a barricade outside my bedroom door, *I'm* not complaining. I'll just come join you. I know this is no place for me, still I would rather be with you...

Melody said...

Soooooo dumb question--how come the song list you linked to here is in such a different order than the movie one? (The entire soundtrack, that is. I was looking at the list. To see all the ones that were missing. :P)

Melody said...

*looks at #19 on disc 2*
*blink blink*


"Freddy, YOU don't think I'm a heartless guttersnipe, DO you?"

Miss Dashwood said...

Sending a detailed response to your comment in an email very soon... but just wanted you to know you are not a heartless guttersnipe at all. :D

Amanda said...

Is "They're alive, They're alive, They are so Alive" a reference to Next to Normal? (sorry, random question, I've just been listening to I'm Alive a lot...)